Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
