Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
