so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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