the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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