I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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