I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
