Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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