I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
