She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
