watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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