Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
