I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
