i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
