so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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