So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Found your dick twin last night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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