True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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