Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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