is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
