I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
