I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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