We're like a lot better than the average bears
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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