you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
farters have to be the big spoon...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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