im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I believe in your delicious
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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