Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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