Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize