What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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