drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Damn victory sex feels great
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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