i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
