White coat. Heels.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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