woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
