my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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