I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
