having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Randomize
