Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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