I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
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If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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