normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
