I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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