i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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