yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
