It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
