I just saw a hot homeless man
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
