Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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