I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
