First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
