i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
