If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
