I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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