i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
