A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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