I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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