Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize