I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
