I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
