i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
God gave him joint rollers for hands
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
