The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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