Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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