Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
