i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
