it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
