i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
