So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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