we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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