WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
