I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
